My days with four kids are very busy and stressful for me right now. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed this summer. Every week I am tempted to quit my weekly blog posts and a few other things.
I am not getting much sleep which causes me to be crabby and not motivated. Nola Mae is not to blame, she is a great sleeper! I stay up late because it is the only time I have some peace. I don’t want to go to bed once our house is quiet. I want to sew, work in the garden, blog or just sit at the computer and drink my water (wishing it was a cold dark beer). I want to blog because it helps me sort out my thoughts and helps me come up with solutions to my troubles. When I sit here at the computer with a blank blog post my mind is blank or I am only thinking of the stressful days and frustrating moments that no one wants to hear about.
Many people have asked me how my summer is going and I really don’t know how to answer this simple question without a complicated answer. I have been honest with a few people (the ones who really care to know the real answer) and the others who are just asking for the sake of “small talk” get the simple answer of “our summer is going well.”
The honest answers:
This summer is a rough one.
This is one of my worst summers.
The horrible things I have done:
I signed the boys up for the longest summer school sessions at the beginning and at the end of the summer.
I paid $25 to have 1/2 hour of peace for eight days, by signing Henry up for swimming lessons. And I loved it. Thankfully, Henry loved swimming lessons.
I almost starved my nursing baby. (I am working on a blog post about this. I am not sure when and if it will ever get done.)
I continue to let the older boys rot their brains with computer games during the day.
I am in a food funk and let them have chips and cheese dip for lunch one day, smoothies another, and just fruit and peanut butter toast another day. These are just the meals that I can remember that I slacked on.
We have gone out to eat way too often this summer. And I have stopped caring how much a meal costs for our family to eat out. And I can’t wait until the next time we eat out or Jack brings home dinner.
I have no patience and do a lot of screaming (and swearing).
I have told the boys that some parents hit their kids when they misbehave and some days I want to.
I wish we could go to the beach every day. We don’t because it is too much work to get out of the yard.
I look forward to my few nights out this summer with my book club and the one night that has been planned for me to go out to eat with other moms.
There have been days we only went outside for less than an hour. Maybe this is because it has been too hot outside. I hate the heat and wish for snow to come soon.
I admitted to a friend recently that I am looking forward to school starting. I haven’t started counting down the days until September 4th, yet.
None of these things I am proud of. At the end of each day I feel like a horrible mother and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. And next summer will be better.
Until things improve in my life I will be doing the bare minimum on my weekly blog posts. My weekly posts may have a different layout to them. I hope I will be able to capture some good photos to remember these days while my children are small and still at home. I know these days should be cherished.
I am certain that some day when all my kids are living somewhere else and I have more peace and quiet than I will know what to do with. I will wish for a day of Henry screaming, Charlie’s silliness, Robbie’s talk of robots & his inventions, fighting brothers, wrestling boys, boys climbing on the cupboards, spilled milk at every meal, random balls being thrown through the kitchen, sword fighting in my sewing room, pillow fights in my bedroom, Legos on the floor, flowers, corn and milo stalks being cut off because “me don’t like them”, star wars games blaring from the computer, Harry Potter books on CD blaring throughout the house and boys to hug.