Baby in Belly – Almost There

Baby in Belly – Almost There

I haven’t been feeling as positive lately with my emotions or physically. I am hesitant to start this post in fear that this will be full of complaining and whining.

I feel like since my last post about my pregnancy I used up all my positive energy and I have taken a downward spiral to the bottom of the earth.  I want this baby out so I can get going with giving birth, my recovery and my life back to normal.  There is a slight problem with this; I don’t know what normal will be with four children and right now is too soon to have this baby on the outside!

The reasons for this:

I have no energy, no patience and no appetite!
I have been sleeping and lying around a lot.
The snow conditions are horrible for me and the boys to play in.
I have a horrible cold, cough and my voice is gone.
I have felt like a bad mother and wife.                                                                               Recently I have had a lot of Braxton Hick contractions.

Because of these things, our life has led to this:

A really trashed house, not so healthy meals and Jack doing some of the cooking.
We have had very little physical activity outside.
There has been too much movie watching for kids.
We have very wild and naughty boys (due to the above reasons!).
Thankfully, my voice is gone because I can’t scream like I want to and my swear words can’t be heard.

I was able to meet with my midwife when the Braxton Hicks contractions were happening frequently.  I was very nervous not knowing if they were the real ones or the practice ones.  She reassured me everything was okay, sent me home with Black Haw drops to take and permission to not over do it and to take it easy.  I haven’t needed the Black Haw and the Braxton Hicks contractions have stayed away for over two weeks.  I still have a few Braxton Hicks contractions each day, but this is completely normal!

I have been taking it easy and am slowly trying to catch up on things around the house.  When I was lying around a lot it was hard not to worry about things and feel panic with every little movement or feeling in my belly.  So one day I spent time in my sewing room.  I felt better because I actually was doing something and my mind was distracted.  I am starting to think of the things I need to do to prepare my home and my bedroom for a home birth.   My home birth supplies were ordered this week from Radiant Belly

The root cause of some of my troubles:

I figured out this week that some of my emotional instability has come from realizing the end of my last pregnancy is near.  I really don’t want this baby to come out any sooner than April.  This is my last pregnancy and an end to one of the many stages in motherhood.  Thinking about never ever being able to have another baby grow inside my belly makes me very very sad!  (Thanks, Jessie for helping me realize this)

I love being pregnant! 

I love my midwives and will miss seeing them regularly.

I love the amazing things that go on inside with every stage of my baby’s development.

  I love watching my belly grow. 

I love feeling the baby moving.

I love thinking about what this baby will look like, what kind of personality this baby will have, and how this baby will change the dynamics in our family.

I love the conversations I have with our three boys about this baby and hearing what is on their mind.  And I try to imagine the look of love that will be on their faces when they first meet our new baby.

I love the comments I get from my friends and even strangers about looking beautiful.  Because I feel beautiful, most days.

 I love it when Jack’s Grandma Elma encourages me to have a second helping of food because “you are eating for two!”

  I love watching the numbers on the scale get bigger, knowing that they will go back down again.

I love the adventure and challenge of labor and giving birth.

I love holding my new-born baby in my arms for the very first time.

I love breastfeeding my babies.

  And last but not least, I love not having a period.

Things are starting to look up:

We have gotten a little snow to keep my Saturday ski class going and we now have some man-made snow on our trails.  I skied last week for the first time in over a week, at Henry’s pace.  At least I had skis on! 

And again on Saturday morning trying to keep up with Robbie and Charlie and friends.  I took a short cut to get in front of them for this photo.

 

Movie watching only happens on the weekends.  The older boys have been listening better, reading more, playing with Legos and doing more jobs around the house.

A high light of my week was a visit from Aunt Susie! 

 

As I was struggling putting my socks on one morning, Henry said to me, “Yours belly is full! You can’t get anymore food, candy and medicine (he means vitamins)!”

I am getting to bed early (before 10:00) and I am feeling more rested every day.  It disgust me to wake up on my own before my alarm goes off at 5:30!

I saw my midwives last week.  They understood my frustrations and annoyances with everyone and everything in my life at that time.   They also opened my eyes to some wonderful home remedies to work on this cold and cough.  I saw improvements within 24 hours!  And now my cold is gone.  My voice isn’t back 100%. My voice has improved enough that I have had to stop swearing.

Once my cold symptoms were gone my energy level came back.

My patience has come back.

The baby’s head is down, for now, but facing the wrong way.  I am doing some exercises that will help turn the baby around.   I will see my midwives at the end of the week to see if there is any change in the baby’s position.

My blood pressure is good, I am measuring very close to number of weeks I am and my weight gain is around 20 pounds.

My home visit with the midwives will be scheduled for sometime next month.

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19 responses

  1. Oh Jenny, do I have complete compassion & understanding for what you’re going through!! I’m glad to hear you are staying positive & things are looking up for you! I have to agree with everything you feel, I am feeling so very similar in my pregnancy. That being said, not sure what the answer is to help! Patience doesn’t come as easily & all of these frustrations just take time to work through. Ease your mind by believing that all will work itself out in time for your labor & birth, the energy you need will restore itself all in good time. Stay positive, friend, & enjoy these weeks to come, especially it being your last pregnancy.
    I realized not too long ago that I admittedly need time for myself. I never give myself time to do “me” things, family always comes first. Think of it as baby/you time. It will be better for everyone! Maybe just a bath, some acupuncture, a massage – a little pampering in some form. Positive & healthy vibes sent your way!

    • Leandra,
      Thanks for the encouraging words! You just reminded me that I have a gift certificate for a massage that I have been saving for this pregnancy.
      You especailly need some time to yourself, sweet mama. Your little ones are a lot of work right now. I hope you are able to find a little time for “me time” before your little one arrives.
      Hugs to you and your family!

  2. We love you, Jenny! We can’t bear hearing you think of yourself as being a bad mama or wife–we think you are strong, productive, loving, interesting, very busy. If there is any thing to fault yourself with, it is being too hard on Jenny. Appreciate what an amazing person you are, all you accomplish, all the love you give! May the next few weeks be good (as good as possible when one is approaching the end of a preganancy!) With lots and lots of love, Helen and Rob
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX and OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO’s

    • I love you, Helen! I can always count on you to make me feel better. I should have called you during some of those really bad days!
      I am looking forward to seeing you soon!

  3. What a beautiful blog and journal of your feelings. All those wonderful feelings that your feeling about your time right now – will be filled with more wonderful feelings throughout your life with all of your children and your experiences with them as they continue to grow. You are a very nurturing Mother, Wife, Sister, Aunt, Niece and Friend. Time continues to give you the opportunity to experience more and more within all of those hats that you wear. Don’t ever think that by time passing that things end – they just become memories that we can hold in our hearts. You are doing such a good job of writing down, in your blog, all of these experiences and feelings. I admire that in you – the one thing that surprises me is your “swearing”. You must have gotten that from Grandma Schroeder. She used to swear alot, but in her older years she said she never swore. Thank you again for sharing your intimate feelings about what you are going through. I would love to be able to come and help you clean your house. Isn’t that interesting how that seems to be important to you – and yet at times you have made the comment to Emily that that isn’t such an important thing. I am not a good housekeeper myself – hate doing it – and I hear from my husband and my kids when they were at home “this is our home, we live in it”. That is really an accurate statement. It is a home and you do live in it and I can see your home is filled with love and caring.

    • Aunt Anita,
      Thank you for being one of my regular readers and commenters. I enjoy your appreciation and words of wisdom!
      I didn’t know Grandma swore! I have also learned that my sweet Grandma Fabian who couldn’t use the word “butt” often called her kids “damn brats”. I have had that name in the back of my head but haven’t used it. I can totally relate to that name some days.

      I guess I am thinking of the house cleaning jobs that need doing are things that I have wanted to do for many months, the piles of books, magazines and papers all over the place, the piles of clothes that the boys have grown out of or the cob webs that have been growing for a while. When I am sitting around breastfeeding a baby it is harder to look at toys under the couch, piles of crap and the cobwebs. When I am busy running around on regular days I don’t see that stuff or care. Emily has a good excuse, she is sick all the time. But then that is why it probably bothers her because she sees it while she is lying around.

  4. I loved this post I was crying half way through it. You are such a beautiful person both inside and out..don’t ever for a sec. forget that. The part about this being your last pregnancy was so beautiful, I wish I would have felt that way during Bailey’s pregnancy…maybe that is just a sign that I am not meant to be done just yet 🙂 Hang in there! I can’t wait to see that beautiful baby!! Oh my and I kept meaning to email you back, I had RJ’s baby shower at the end of February.

    • Asherrie,
      Thanks for your kind words, commenting on my post and crying with me!
      I feel blessed to have gotten to know you during this winter. I am looking forward to many more years of friendship as our children grow up together! And winters of skiing and snowshoeing!

  5. I love to read your posts, I hear you and your beautiful calming voice speaking the words. You are an amazing woman and I strive to have with my boys the patience, energy and spirit you have with your boys. Pregnancy is an emotional time, you know you are going to love that baby more then anything but it is scary to think how it will change your life. I was glad to hear you say today you have given some of your chores away. As said in previous posts you need to take the time for you and the growing baby and not feel bad about it, you have the rest of your life to do those chores 🙂
    Love you, and always ask if you need anything!

    • Chamomile,
      Thanks for your encouraging words and for always hosting play groups so we can all get together!
      You are an amazing mama to those sweet little boys. Spending time with you I am reminded of those days of having two boys those ages. You are doing a wonderful job with them. I am impressed by your plans for their future and the future of your community!
      I feel very blessed to have you as a friend!

  6. Oh Jenny, I love you so much! I love that you share your emotions and even your negative side is cute and shows your kindness. I can’t say I understand because I’ve never been pregnant…but I get that transitions in life are difficult. I know that this is ” an end to one of the many stages in motherhood” and that is sad for you. But think of all the stages in motherhood you have left to expereince! I have hated every transition in life so far (and am currently hating the transition from college into the working world) but I know that most hard/sad changes in life lead to something wonderful…it just takes time.
    I love you very much, and think and pray for you often! xoxo

    • Kayla,
      You are full of wisdom at such a young age. You are right change/transitions in life are difficult and there will be other stages left to experience. The one I dread is when they are all off on their own. Wonderful things will come from all of these changes, you are so right! I needed to hear this from you, thank you!
      I love you too!

  7. Loved this intimate look into your life and emotions, Jenny. April is such a nice time of year to have a baby. It’s the beginning of spring, you can get out in the sunshine with your brood, everything is “waking up,” and you will feel such a part of the season. My first baby, my sweet Emily, was born at the beginning of April, after a long Connecticut winter. I know what you mean about feeling sad that this will be your last baby. I lived being pregnant and breast feeding. But then there comes a time in your life when you are so glad you can’t have any more babies. Believe me, that time does come! Thank you for sharing your life. Do you know if you are having a boy or girl? I had no idea with any of ours. Didn’t matter anyway. You pretty much have to keep what you get!

    • Susan,
      My older two boys were late summer and fall births. Henry was an April baby. You are right it is a good time to have a baby with fresh air, spring time flowers and a whole summer to enjoy.
      My mother-in-law often tells me that there is a reason why her body isn’t able to have babies anymore. I will need to keep remembering these words of wisdom from the two of you.
      Thanks for visiting my blog. I don’t know if this baby is a boy or a girl.

  8. Pingback: Week 8 – February 20 – 26, 2012 | Life with three boys!

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